The Secrets of a LoveLetter
by AyameYume
Summary: I swear to you; this is not a gushy romance story and is actually quite depressing. Warning: this story does involve suiside. What if a single note could save a life?
1. The Secrets of a Love Letter

***** I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writting! *** **

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It started with a note…

"Where do you think you're going lieutenant?" Mustang said coolly, intercepting the first lieutenant's path.

"Sir?" Hawkeye casually replied. She knew what was about to happen; recently the colonel had gotten into a habit of passing notes in the hallways like an innocent child in elementary school. Any sudden stops usually meant that she would have something to read with her morning coffee. Sure enough, she was right. Before she could say anything else, Mustang slid an envelope into the pocket of her uniform.

"I highly recommend the coffee in the lounge."

"Yes, but it is bitter unless you add sugar." Riza answered, handing him her own message. They went through this same conversation every time they had a letter for each other. She often wondered how much more they could pass notes without people spreading rumors of them being coffee obsessed.

"You are dismissed, lieutenant." To this, the officers went their separate ways, each forgetting about the notices that they were just handed. Roy was more nervous as to how his first lieutenant would react to the message he had given than he was when dueling Lust a while back. Before long, Riza was all the colonel could think about. Absentmindedly, Roy set the pastel envelope onto his daily stack of paperwork and leaned back in his desk chair. He wished that she would just open his letter now so they wouldn't have to deal with such matters any longer. Unfortunately, he knew that he would just have to be patient and wait.

A few hours had passed before Mustang's attention was drawn back to Riza's letter. Hawkeye had come in several times throughout the day to drop off more paperwork for her superior, accidently burying her message in the process. By the time that Roy had discovered the little pick-me-up, it was near midnight and he had dismissed his subordinates for the night, including his prized queen. Franticly he tore open the note, exited to have found something to distract him from the looming stack of paperwork he had to fill out. Immediately after unfolding the parchment, Roy was caught off guard. Over the past couple months, his first lieutenant had gotten into the habit of addressing him as Roy in her letters; this one in particular was labeled with a formal heading. As he read on, he realized that the formality of his title was the least of his worries.

Dear Colonel Roy Mustang,

The horrors of Ishval continue to plague my mind even now. Night after night I relive the war in the form of nightmares. The children who I had shot look up at me pleadingly, fearfully, and crying as they had done years ago. Without giving a second thought, I raise my sniper and shoot them dead, blood gushing from their wounded bodies as they fall to the ground. Then there's their mother, screaming in terror as I approach her and her newborn son! She begs me to reason with her, to think about her children, but I do nothing aside from raising my gun to take aim. Every night it's the same damn thing! I can't live with it anymore! I loathe myself for not sparing those lives. They were only children, how could I murder them in cold blood like that? I never told you any of this in fear that you would recall memories of the war that you have spent several years trying to suppress. I am sorry, but I don't think I can keep the promises I made you. I will no longer be able to watch your back or be at the head of your subordinates. Most of all, I will not be the last of us to die. I am sorry that I have always been so weak compared to you, but that is why… That is why I love you Colonel Roy Mustang! I have loved you ever since the damned war in Ishval, but you never once returned my feelings! I think I understand now. You could never have feelings for someone as pathetic and worthless as me, right? You deserve someone better, prettier, stronger than… than me. It is for this reason that I can say goodbye, Mustang! I- I'm sorry…

~ Riza Hawkeye

For a moment the colonel just stood where he was. He didn't think; he couldn't think. It was as if the entire world had crashed down around him and he was the only one left alive. Roy was paralyzed and was afraid even to breathe. He was afraid; genuinely afraid for the first time since before the war in Ishval. Did this mean what he though it did? Could Riza even consider giving up after all they had been through? Acting through his instincts, Mustang walked purposefully out of his office and through the long corridors that would lead him outside. Despite this being a state of emergency, he kept a straight face. If any emotion showed, if any thought managed to cross his face, not just his friends but also any of his subordinates still around the office would be intrigued to follow him and Roy knew that every second that would be wasted on them could mean life or death for his precious lieutenant. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the colonel had reached his vehicle. Pulling himself into the driver's seat, Mustang thrust the key into the ignition and pulled out of the deserted lot. He was only a minutes' drive away from her apartment yet with every second he could feel the air grow heavier forcing his breathing to accelerate. Without giving it a second thought, he sped through the streets well over the limit; it didn't matter; nothing seemed to matter except finding her. Barely avoiding a front end collision with an oncoming truck, Roy managed to turn into Hawkeye's complex and park the car. He made his way up the stairway with haste, tripping on more than one occasion. He didn't care; the colonel needed just to see her face, Riza's face. He needed to know that she was fine, proof that everything here was a cruel hoax to which he would deal with later, and not…

Standing just outside the doorway of his first lieutenant's home, Mustang froze. More than anything he wished to push through the wooden barrier, but his body refused to comply. From inside he could hear her stifled sobs, but what had made him stop in his tracks was a different sound, an all-too-familiar 'click'. Roy could never forget the sounds of a gun, not since he met Hawkeye on the battlefield. Suddenly, a gunshot sounded and rang throughout the building coaxing Mustang to finally emerge from behind the door. As he entered, Riza fell to the floor in front of him, bleeding profusely from the wound to her heart.

As the soldier fell, she whispered to her love. "I'm sorry, Roy… Mustang…" The colonel rushed to her side and supported her head with his knee.

"Riza, I-", was all Roy could mutter before being interrupted. Using whatever strength she could muster, his first lieutenant had risen from her perch and pursed her lips against his. For more than a minute they stayed that way, feeling each other's warmth and sharing a heartbeat. Slowly Riza broke the kiss as she fell into a slumber to which there was no wake.

It wasn't long before the paramedics arrived along with the investigations department of the military allowing Mustang to sneak into her bedroom. As he thought, a blue envelope was left sitting upon the bedside table, the very same letter that he himself handed her earlier that day. Slipping out of the apartment and down the stairs, he freed the note from its envelope and released the parchment behind him allowing for it to flutter in the wind. Just as it was floating to the ground, it was turned to ash by a weak spark emitted by a flame just extinguished. It was raining, after all, and he was useless yet again.

Dear Riza,

I have been thinking recently about how much I rely on you. I trust you to guard my back no matter what the circumstance and I depend on you to remind me to do my work. I need you more than I would a first lieutenant, Riza. I cherish every moment that our arms brush each other when we step to close in line, every glare you give me, every sigh you give when I make a decision you know that I will regret. I love you. I love you more than I could even imagine loving anything else. I know that I am not worthy of your love, but please, please give me a chance. You make me feel the fire that lies in my soul, and nothing can compare to your beauty. Please respond soon.

- Roy Mustang

It ended with a note…

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***** Please review! If you would like me to write/publish an epilogue I will do so as I have an abundance of ideas for one. I do not mind a chat every now and then so if you wish to do so, you may message me as well. Also, I am open to new ideas, so shoot me a prompt every now and then ok? (smiles) Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoyed it! Au revior! (BTW: I am not actually french) *** **


	2. An Alternate Ending

Standing just outside the doorway of his first lieutenant's home, Mustang froze. More than anything he wished to push through the wooden barrier, but his body refused to comply. From inside he could hear her stifled sobs, but what had made him stop in his tracks was a different sound, an all-too-familiar 'click' coaxing Mustang to finally emerge from behind the door. Roy could never forget the sounds of a gun, not since he met Hawkeye on the battlefield.

Flinging the door wide open the famed dog of the military saw the love of his life as if for the first time. She was kneeling on the floor of the dining area in her apartment clutching a pistol in her hands. There was never a sight more beautiful, nor was there one more sad. Tears sparkled catching the light as they slid down her cheek and into her lap. Her lips, usually soft and smiling, were pulled back into a thin, grievous smile that was partially blocked by her hair, unpinned and shining in the light. To him, Riza looked like a fallen angel struck down from heaven by rays of sorrow.

"Roy… I-" Riza muttered in surprise. He was almost in tears just looking at her and she could tell. He needed to be her pillar of strength now; he wouldn't cry, not yet.

"Put down the gun." Mustang said as sternly as he could despite his fear. Riza, however, refused to comply. "That's an order, lieutenant." Through her sobs, the soldier mumbled a reply.

"Now you come." Roy inched closer to Riza, gently lifting her chin up so she could look him in the eye and drew her into a long and passionate kiss. For more than a minute they stayed that way, feeling each other's warmth and sharing a heartbeat. Roy pulled at the weapon that rested in the hands of the Hawk's Eye until she let it free. As he broke the embrace Mustang struck Riza across the face.

"Don't you ever do anything like that again." Roy stood allowing his own tears to fall. "I- I love you. If you died… I don't know what I'd do without you." Riza peered up at the broken man before her like a child who was just scolded for eating too many sweets. Without a word, Roy scooped her up in his arms and carried her to his car. He laid her down gently in the back seat, carefully buckling her seatbelt so it would not get in the way.

"Where are we going?" Riza muttered, weak and dizzy from dehydration.

"I don't want you to spend the night by yourself." Was all Mustang would say.

Riza awoke the next morning in a daze. Where was she? Had she really attempted suicide the night before? It was all a blur to her. As she lay, Riza became aware of someone beside her, a man sitting with his legs draped over the side of the bed.

"Roy?" Riza called quietly.

"I'm sorry…" Mustang muttered as he stood and turned to leave.

"Wait. Please don't leave," Riza whispered, reaching up from under the covers to pull feebly at the back of Roy's shirt. "I don't want… I don't want to be alone."

"All right then," he said as he climbed back into bed and snaked his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her neck. "How's this?"

"What took you so long?" She murmured snuggling closer. After she fell back into her slumber, Roy made his way into his study where he unfolded the message he had given Riza the morning before. While at her apartment, he discovered the envelope, seal unbroken, on the dining room table and pocketed it before leaving. What good was it to her now? As he reread his words, a single tear fell from his eyes. She was now his and nothing could change that.

Dear Riza,

I have been thinking recently about how much I rely on you. I trust you to guard my back no matter what the circumstance and I depend on you to remind me to do my work. I need you more than I would a first lieutenant, Riza. I cherish every moment that our arms brush each other when we step to close in line, every glare you give me, every sigh you give when I make a decision you know that I will regret. I love you. I love you more than I could even imagine loving anything else. I know that I am not worthy of your love, but please, please give me a chance. You make me feel the fire that lies in my soul, and nothing can compare to your beauty. Please respond soon.

- Roy Mustang

It ended with a note…


End file.
